You have to be very quick in thinking. [00:00:00] Jordan Harbinger: Special thanks to Invesco for sponsoring this episode of The Jordan Harbinger Show. [00:40:59] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: Absolutely. You will not be compensated for any User Content. Nothing contained on the Website should be understood as granting you a license to use any of the trademarks, service marks, or logos owned by Company or by any third party. You have the right to control your personal data. Because the wounds that folks carry from these relationships that are unseen because they're not physical are profound. And I remember thinking why that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Q: What exactly do you do? 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California users of the Website are entitled to the following information pursuant to California Civil Code Section 1789.3: For any questions or complaints about the Company, our products, services or the Website, please contact us via e-mail at [email protected], via written correspondence sent to Jordan Harbinger, 1821 S Bascom Ave #174 Campbell, CA 95008-2357 UNITED STATES. [00:08:35] Jordan Harbinger: Is narcissism contagious, the behavior itself? [00:54:15] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: You'd be like, that's a tomato, right? If I talk like I'm all that, then I am all that, and that insecurity and the shame that comes from that can remain in the unconscious. The burden of proving that any Content does not violate any laws or third party rights rests solely with you. It's sort of the unformed children. Can you tell me a little bit about this? Or do you actually really believe you're too special to wait in the line? So come join us, you'll be in smart company where you belong. And my feeling on that is if they're that insecure, you know what they can do because everyone who's in a relationship with a narcissist is going to therapy, has about the narcissists consider rolling up to therapy and unpacking that insecurity the way the rest of us do, or what my clients do on a regular basis and do that hard work. So a person who is a 35-year-old, who's a decent person, who's not narcissistic, who does have empathy, who sees someone behaving badly, may in that moment witness that entitlement saying, "Oh, it looks like we have to all cut the line." Be sure to catch part two here!]. [00:38:52] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: And now you get to go on a little bit of a wild ride, right? With your membership, you will gain access to monthly events, journal prompts, and a private/secure online community platform. With simple examples and to-the-point explanations, Dr. Ramani helps viewers of all backgrounds understand complex mental health conditions in a compelling way. [00:16:36] Jordan Harbinger: If they're lucky, they're divorced, I guess. It's often associated with trauma, and it can occur at any point in your life. There are a lot of routine tasks that can eat up time, like lead management, employee onboarding, even customer support. [01:03:26] Ken Croke: Everyone was saying, hey, motorcycle enthusiast bikers are all bad. We collect the information above for the following purposes. But you're right, grumbly is the perfect word for this person as well. And so, it is quite devious, and a lot of people associate that, "Oh, they want me to meet their family and friends," this really is a committed, intimate relationship, "they're really into me," and that's how that gets read rather than trying to lock you down so they don't have to put so much work into the relationship anymore. [00:55:47] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: So they're a little bit thrown off when they. This is a really interesting conversation. That's just their relationship. [00:15:29] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: it's sort of a pretty flat relationship, right? The Website is based in the United States. We don't even have to make nice anymore. [email protected]. Please consider supporting those who support this show. address is r****[emailprotected], Ramani Durvasula's business email COPYRIGHT. What industry does Ramani Durvasula work in? She is married to Arun Durvasula, an engineer. [00:37:39] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: Someone else gets special treatment that they think they deserve. And it's a very one-way relationship. And each episode turns our guest's wisdom into practical advice. [00:53:38] Excessive reference to others for self-esteem, constantly comparing yourself to others, the sense of entitlement, the thing is though, with a lot of these narcissistic traits, celebrities and executives, they have a little bit of entitlement a lot of the time. [00:37:56] Jordan Harbinger: You're basically the emotional version you ever seen Coming to America where the guy spreads rose petals in front of everywhere that James Earl Jones walks because he's the king? We promise to only send you awesome stuff. Now, they're full of rage. This psychic friend then recommended Dr Ramani's channel and told me she herself learned a great deal from watching Dr Ramani's videos about narcissism. [00:17:24] Jordan Harbinger: When I was reading the book, I noticed this. In addition, we may litigate in court to seek injunctive relief. It just sounds horrible. Visit the help section or contact us. It registers as trauma as it accumulates more and more and more and more. Websites like ours must have a legal basis for collecting information from individuals located in the European Union. We, as a society, if we see somebody with two black eyes and they're like, "I fell again." It's a very honest apology. Find accurate personal and work emails for over 250M professionals. It's kind of the basics. Due to the sheer volume of emails at this point, it is very unlikely that you will receive a personal response. [00:57:35] So I get that question from people all the time. If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. PLEASE READ ALL INFORMATION CAREFULLY. Dr. Ramani welcomes your suggestions. And the fact that it isn't about if you work harder, you'll make more money. This button displays the currently selected search type. After about a year, you're not even going to, maybe even sooner. And I had to stand in front of my computer the whole time until I discovered that Zapier can automate everything. Nothing is ever enough, right? Up to 5 Simply email them to [email protected], and then your email will be forwarded along to Dr. Ramani. The Content may not be used in connection with any product or service that is not ours in any manner that is likely to cause confusion among users or disparages or discredits anyone. The fee for this show is you share it with friends when you find something useful or interesting. YOU ASSUME THE RISK OF ANY AND ALL DAMAGE OR LOSS FROM USE OF, OR INABILITY TO USE, THE WEBSITE OR THE SERVICE. The therapist will even help you track your goals. You are also prohibited from posting any portion of the Content in either print or digital format, included on any other website, social media page, or in a networked computer environment for any purpose. Contact over 250M professionals instantly by email or phone. [00:33:46] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: So let's talk about those accolades and the need for those accolades and awards first, right? And that really nails it because as a rule, with some exceptions, narcissistic people are actually extroverted. They're just. So it's just another hook they sink into you. I think what we see now, Jordan, is more demonstrative narcissism. They need other people to get supply. The right to rectification: Request we fix incorrect data about you. And the idea you give this example of this guy was never single for more than like a few days or a week. [00:06:42] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: That's because adolescents are narcissistic. "I'm a VIP, I'm grandiose. at Visit invesco.com for a prospectus with this information. So the filter is off. Animals are devoted creatures - especially dogs and yes -" Specifically, you have the following rights: To exercise any of these rights, please contact Jen Harbinger at [email protected] with your request. For many, the most difficult relationship is the relationship with food. This term, narcissism in the literature, in psychological literature has only been around for about a little over a hundred years. You may then contact us to provide contact information so you may discuss the proposed changes with us. Amundi, Enjoy unlimited access Suddenly, I've got this person, bigging me up and I feel okay about myself." As a business, we collect personal data from you in a number of ways including: Opt-In To Email Lists or waiting lists: Your name and email address. Kindle. You consent to receive communications from us electronically. I'm so sorry. [00:27:40] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: It's horrifying. What Personal Data Do We Collect From You? ", [00:10:37] So now, let's jump to the relational space, because what I have worked with many people who have been in long term, like intimate relationships, marriages, long-term committed relationships with narcissistic people, and what they've said is not only was this horribly abusive, so they found themselves in order to survive in this relationship, starting to feel like they could only survive by being an assh*le. [00:19:58] Jordan Harbinger: That's a good point. If you're not automatically redirected, please click here. Like, [00:42:31] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: "Oh, I'm doing this. When you visit the Website or correspond with us via e-mail, you are communicating with us electronically. Whereas a narcissistic person behaving like an ass would never say, "I'm sorry.". You need the entitlement. They maybe don't want to hear about it. [00:43:16] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: sort of thinking of this is how it goes, and it's given them the result they want, which is somebody who just sort of goes along, you know, with what they want them to go along with. [00:42:27] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: Because if they were going to be super honest about it, that's pretty dark. And that projection is that that defense, it protects us. in Psychology from the University of Connecticut and her MA and Ph.D. degrees in Clinical Psychology at UCLA. Patients can reach her at 310-435-8010 or can fax her at 323-343-2281. at In the event of a dispute arising under or relating to this Agreement, the Content, or the Website (each, a Dispute), the parties agree to first submit the matter to mediation to be conducted by a mutually-selected, qualified, neutral, third-party attorney/mediator located in San Jose, California. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE) SHALL WE BE LIABLE TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL, PUNITIVE EXEMPLARY OR ANY OTHER DAMAGES (INCLUDING LOST PROFITS), PERSONAL INJURY (INCLUDING DEATH) OR PROPERTY DAMAGE OF ANY KIND OR NATURE WHATSOEVER THAT ARISE OUT OF OR RESULT FROM THE USE OF OR ANY INABILITY TO USE, THE WEBSITE OR ANY CONTENT OR FUNCTIONS THEREOF; OR ANY ACT OR OMISSION, ONLINE OR OFFLINE, OF ANY USER OF THE WEBSITE OR ANYONE ELSE, EVEN IF WE HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. THE WEBSITE AND PRODUCTS, SERVICES OR PROGRAMS CONTAINED HEREIN ARE NOT SUBSTITUTES FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE OR TREATMENT, INCLUDING THE ADVICE AND TREATMENT OF A LICENSED HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL. And so unless you know what you're dealing with, you're like, "Whoa, the coolest person in the room is paying attention to me.". Those changes will be reflected in the terms and conditions accompany the sale, and on the Order page. [00:59:39] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: That said, what I don't like about it is the selling of the artificial narrative, because the narcissist is the masterful at selling the false self by putting on the mask and that mask actually does harm to other people. And in many ways, they're just trying to get their next gig worked out before they leave the last one. Use the links below to view the videos available on each topic: In an era of rampant narcissism, Dr. Ramanis third book, Dont You Know Who I Am? provides an insightful look into narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder. It's held in the body, so people will say like, "I feel this physically," and so now the therapies for that are much more focused on the person's body and that connection with their mind. You're blessed and if you don't have a lot in your family. Lifetime Brands, Dean & Professor at Fairfield University The right to object: Object to how we use your data. I'm at @JordanHarbinger on Twitter and Instagram or connect with me right there on LinkedIn. 32 episodes. [00:00:07] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: I always say if emotional abuse showed up as scars on a person's face or body, we'd be calling 911 constantly while we stood in line at the grocery store, in Starbucks all the time. But then as you get older, you realize actually somebody who can't stop in validating other people all of the time is they're just deeply uncomfortable with themselves. I found the concept of habituation insightful where, and let me paraphrase here and tell me if I get it right, most people with narcissists in their lives, they end up with multiple narcissists in their lives because of, in part co-narcissism. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHALL WE OR ANY OF THE INDEMNIFIED PARTIES BE LIABLE FOR ANY DELAY OR FAILURE IN PERFORMANCE RESULTING, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY, FROM ANY EVENT OF FORCE MAJEURE OR OTHER CAUSE BEYOND OUR OR THEIR CONTROL INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, ACTS OF GOD, WAR, EQUIPMENT AND TECHNICAL FAILURES, ELECTRICAL POWER FAILURES OR FLUCTUATIONS, STRIKES, LABOR DISPUTES, RIOTS, CIVIL DISTURBANCES, SHORTAGES OF LABOR OR MATERIALS, NATURAL DISASTERS, GOVERNMENTAL ACTIONS, ORDERS OF DOMESTIC OR FOREIGN COURTS OR TRIBUNALS, OR NON-PERFORMANCE OF THIRD PARTIES. Clinical psychologist, professor of psychology, and author, Durvasula is best known for her book You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life (Skirt!, 2013) and is currently promoting her latest book, Should I Stay or Should I Go? We're so stuck on the myth of Narcissus who looked at his reflection in the water and he fell in love with himself, which actually isn't what happened in the myth. Love Bombing! [00:13:41] Jordan Harbinger: Yeah, okay. They have a lot of. After I record an interview with a guest, Zapier will detect that a new file has been created, automatically uploaded into a specific Google Drive folder, and then notify my team on Slack that that file has been uploaded. Expert in all things media and mental health with a good top note of science and evidence based practices. I mean, one great study that was done last year by some folks at Ohio State, I think they did what's called a meta-analysis, or in a study of studies, about 475 odd studies across the board, narcissism was associated with aggression and violence. It seems perfect on the outside, but on the inside, it's like a VH1 behind the music expose, right? You agree to fully indemnify, defend and hold us (including our agents, representatives, and assigns, collectively the Indemnified Parties) harmless from and against any and all claims, liability, damages, losses, costs and expenses, including legal fees and expenses, suffered by us and arising out of any breach of the conditions by you or any other liabilities arising out of your use of the Website or Services, or the use by any other person accessing the Website using your password, personal computer or other electronic device, or internet access account. Professor Emeritus, Stanford University I like the tomato-salsa example. So, yeah, you put up with more stuff because, well, you're never going to find that again, so you're valuing it. So they go from relationship to relationship to relationship. Patients can call on the below given phone number for appointment. Dr. Durvasula's research on personality disorders has been funded by the National Institutes of Health and she is a Consulting Editor of the scientific journal Behavioral Medicine. Contact over 250M professionals instantly by email or phone. [01:02:06] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: We pretty much take that it's not an active process. You may submit such content via the Website so long as it is not threatening, objectionable, illegal, obscene, defamatory (to us or anyone else), invasive of privacy or intellectual property rights, or otherwise injurious to us or third parties. A personality style is not contagious. If it's your uncle or something, somebody's going to finally have the guts to say something. This idea of narcissism contagion, there's sort of a couple of ways that could play out. [00:22:30] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: I'd say most often sicker than the smoker spewing it out. [00:02:04] Thank you so much for joining me today. Dr. Schwartz believes that part of the problem with Ramani has been her obsession in keeping up with constant revisions and updates of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. [01:02:44] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: It's a core of the blame deflection and all of that, but it's a very primitive defense, and ideally we grow out of it. The Website is intended only for users aged 18 or older. A complete statement of Companys current privacy policy can be found by clicking the privacy link at the bottom of the page or otherwise located in the Websites navigation. So there's slightly two slightly different groups. If you are an individual under 18 and have provided personal information or content to us in some manner, you have the right to request the deletion of that information pursuant to the California Eraser Law. Contact us to make such a request at [email protected]. A person is kidnapped, a person is assaulted, a person is in a terrible accident, that kind of thing. [00:29:07] Jordan Harbinger: I tried to stop somebody. As the mother of four children, Ramani noticed the creeping-on of weight over the years. Are you able to check yourself and pay attention to how your behavior affects other people? PROHIBITED USES. [00:26:00] Jordan Harbinger: If you're wondering how I manage to book all these great authors, thinkers, and creators for the show, it is because of my network and I'm teaching you how to build your network for free over at jordanharbinger.com/course. You want all the attention, you want the seas to part when you approach, and you know, research has shown, even sort of anecdotal survey research, celebrities are significantly more likely to be narcissistic. 500 Likes, 69 Comments - Dr. Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) on Instagram: "Unfortunately most of us have worked for a narcissist. They are not in touch with that, right? They formed together in the same painting with these people. Sign up for a free account. Get contact details including emails and phone numbers Empathy doesn't mean that you're an emotional doormat for everyone who comes by and you stop your day to listen to every single person's problems. Ramani Durvasula's personal email address is ra****[email protected] What is Ramani Durvasula's business email address? Reveal [00:53:03] Jordan Harbinger: Okay, that is way more spot on because there was a sense of entitlement. Dismiss. You can't hide it from somebody you live with. Show notes at jordanharbinger.com. Narcissistic people don't ever try to repair unless their feet are held to the fire. The social consequences of breaking up or getting in a fight or saying negative things about the person you're dating, the stakes are way up because the relationship seems more serious and involved. We'll be right back. I can't wait to dive in. And that need though, what happens is it's a black hole because they suck everyone in it. And so everyone with them is sort of on tenterhooks, hoping everything goes smoothly and knocking themselves out to make sure that everything goes smoothly so everything doesn't get ruined. 320K followers. Why? I'm Jordan Harbinger. As a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, Ramani was in tune to why she was overweight, she just needed a new perspective. [00:33:50] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: That's part of a larger thing of something called narcissistic supply. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, PhD Bio Sharecare Expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula is Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles (CSULA) and a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the author of You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life. They're going to be able to take this." So a person who's a really well put together, empathic, again, self-aware human being is not going to turn into a narcissist because they go on Instagram. < 10 mins Average office wait time. But the recognition that that long-term accumulation of emotional or physical or sexual, any form of abuse or neglect, that added up to a very different kind of traumatic presentation that people experience quite differently. It's not an "I'm sorry you feel that way" apology. They just didn't have the guts to be as awful as the people on TV until they saw that it was being rewarded. And it was almost like, I'd be like, "Hey man, this is awkward for me to see because I've known your girlfriend for five years," and he is like, "Well, you didn't see anything." What is Ramani Durvasula's role at California State University, Los Angeles? Company imposes certain restrictions on your permissible use of the Site and the Service. They're vomiting on you and you're getting in, you're in the splash zone. It is your responsibility to check regularly to determine whether the Terms of Use have been changed. Dr. Ramani Durvasula (@DoctorRamani) / Twitter Follow Dr. Ramani Durvasula @DoctorRamani Mental Health Media Maven, Licensed Clinical #Psychologist and Professor of #Psychology Catch my appearance on RED TABLE TALK: fb.me/RTTNarcissists Los Angeles doctor-ramani.com Joined April 2010 14.9K Following 41.6K Followers Tweets & replies Media [00:00:04] Coming up next on The Jordan Harbinger Show. Connectingwith key decision-makers? ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATION. And then, when someone behaves badly, we look at how quickly they try to repair it. What is this? Pursuant to the California Online Privacy Protection Act, we hereby disclose that we do not currently honor do not track signals issued by browsers or other third-party sources. Check out Pretend podcast eight-part series that proves that Frank Abagnale never worked as a doctor, a lawyer, or a professor from the age of 17 to 21. Dr. Ramani is a psychologist based out of Los Angeles, California. Psychologist, Author, Consultant @ LUNA ET&C, Co-Host and Psychologist - My Shopping Addiction @ Dr. Ramani. Better Help is a great place to seek a licensed professional therapist. I have had my eyes opened and been made aware of all the baffling encounters that have had me in a state of confusion and suffering through decades w. It's also very physiologically held. Answer (1 of 10): I have watched ALL of Dr Ramani's YouTube videos, interviews and read her books and am currently enrolled in her healing program. She is a clinical psychologist, professor, best selling author, and speaker. It can be exhausting, stressful and" So I think in some ways, although what they're doing seems so devious, it may not even be as clever as we think. Risks involved with investing in ETFs, including possible loss of money. You said even if they were just emotionally abused. So when youre in the orbit of someone who considers themselves the center of the universe, how do you ensure youre not drawn in by their gravity and disintegrated? They're not cultivating healthy relationships. It's not a healthy habit, but that happens a lot. address is [emailprotected]***. Do you think social media/Instagram, do they cause narcissism, or do they just attract it? Look, how great I am. This site uses cookies and similar technologies to track particular aspects regarding the people who visit us. This is no joke. And even if you didn't have it in childhood, and the first narcissist you meet is when you're in your teens or 20s and starting to date, because the early days of a narcissistic relationship are so awesome and so hot and so fun, people find themselves trying to chase that high because ordinary people like me. I've been through numerous stressful challenges. I hope they grew out of that because we were like 20 or 19 and maybe they did. [00:36:56] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: It is horrible. And I'm just thinking like, "Ugh, you don't even have any regard for the other people that are going through." [00:59:01] Jordan Harbinger: The superficial Instagram life is quite interesting. We don't recognize it. our ContactOut Chrome extension. We may also alter these terms and conditions from time to time, and thereby your use of the Website (or any part of it), following such change shall be deemed to be your acceptance of such change. Please note that where consent forms the basis, you can withdraw consent at any time by contacting Jen Harbinger, or opting out of any email message using the unsubscribe link. Or you might feel like you're getting to be part of a friendship group. 5151 State University Dr, Los Angeles, California 90032, US, View Company respects your privacy and permits you to control the treatment of your personal information. [00:35:15] Dr. Ramani Durvasula: Getting an accolade, getting an honor, getting an award, having a ton of money, you know, that sort of thing, that stuff goes a long way to helping prop up that fragile ego, that poorly developed sense of self. D., Ramani S. close Remove Durvasula Ph. Those two are going to be completely interlinked. COMPANY HEREBY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES. Society for Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis, President at Lifetime Brands You're like, "Oh my god, someone called the police. Submitting Questions or using the Contact Form: To answer any comments, questions or communication you have for us. You need that spotty empathy at best. And, "it's getting dangerous," she told me in HealthHackers episode 21. Because the second group who might have grown up with it, and it's almost, you've been so invalidated all your life that this idea of sort of being supply for somebody else and catering to someone else's whims and needs gets a little bit programmed. Her latest book is "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. So when a new narcissistic person rolls up, just like those train tracks, you're so used to loud noise out your window, that when there's a new loud noise, when there's a new person behaving like this, you don't say, "Stop, red light, toxic. And I think that also fuels some of the confusion.